BANDRA (11): In The Name Of The Father, The Mother, The Grandfather, The Grandmother and some Hollywood Movie Star!

It has been awhile since I approached the boundaries of fundamental Catlick moral values in a blog and I am sure this one would fly across it like a cripple watching the neighbourhood kids set fire to his freshly delivered package containing his prosthetic leg from the other side of the pond.

Names, you hear them all the time. The good ones you accept, you carry on with your life and may end up finding a best friend. The bad ones, the ones which you thought you heard something, but just could not believe that you heard right, so you asked again and found out that it was right and you then pitied their dismal lives of having to move ahead in life being branded by their imaginative or drunken or dazed or smug or all of the above parents.

There used to be a trend in the Catlick baby naming procedure once upon a time, the trend usually lasted for that decade. There was a decade of saints, a decade of Movie Stars, a lost decade, a decade of hyphenated Anns, a decade of hyphenated Lynns, a decade of misspellings and a decade of mash-ups!

Somewhere in between came satellite television, the internet, the Middle Eastern boom, porn stars, Canadian immigration, Australian-born cousins , Russian hookers (not necessarily in that order) and that messed things up a bit. It added chaos to the already existing sequence of things and we ended up with names like these…

(Note: None of the names have been tampered with for comic effect. They are as you see them. I will leave it up to you to decide how they originated and sex of the person)

• Alvea

• Amberina

• Analeeze

• Annaleishea

• Annvilla

• Antobrazil

• Ashlesha

• Bellirina

• Blandina

• Celsus

• Claudelle

• Cleck

• Clestin

• Clevan

• Clitta

• Cloudina

• Clyden

• Cruzette

• Cyntilla

• Desla

• Dodsal

• Earcy

• Edelweiss

• Eglentine

• Ehrenfrids

• Elfreda

• Ency

• Eulalia

• Evachrist

• Fayola

• Femina

• Flavina

• Florinda

• Fredella

• Fvicky

• Gaynelle

• Glosinda

• Grayson

• Grendyl

• Helloy

• Hesper

• Jenesis

• Jerrelenn

• Jesvin

• Joubert

• Klerissa

• Lezvin

• Louella

• Mackosker

• Maclon

• Maclyna

• Melburn

• Meleny

• Mellicent

• Minann

• Montina

• Nelishia

• Nickson

• Nymphia

• Osbert

• Oslyn

• Placita

• Quenita

• Ransley

• Rexton

• Rochwyn

• Rodslie

• Schinella

• Severine

• Shalet

• Shiny

• Shonet

• Silel

• Silford

• Sneyden

• Tennyle

• Terryl

• Timania

• Valonia

• Vanrick

• Vynlen

• Walesa

• Wilander

• Wynzil

• Yhuela

• Yorham

• Zelishia

• Zonnette

What were the parents thinking?! What would their reasons be?!!

Tradition?

Fashion?

Trend-setting?

Superiority?

Stupidity?

We know that thinking unconventionally is good at times but not when the final product will sound like a posh version of a venereal disease.

"I heard that Mark has a bad case of the ransleys."

Leaving the parents aside, imagine the children now all grown up , meeting what they hope to be their true love, the person they think they will grow old with for the rest of their life!

"Jennifer, I'd like you to meet...Fvik...Fviy...Fvicky!

Although I could go on ranting metaphors on this topic, I think my message here is quite apparent.

If there should be something positive coming out of this blog, it would be that future generations will not to subject their children to ridicule and stop being so bloody creative! Because, Really, you are not!

PS: If you did find your name on the list, I am not the one who should be blamed for stating the obvious…